Thursday, August 7, 2014
The first of many changes this year will bring. Gone will be the lavender walls she's had since she was seven or eight. Gone are items from her younger days; baby dolls that were relegated to the closet shelf are now packed in the crawl space. Princess artwork that was covered up years ago by "big girl" choices has been temporarily unearthed, but will either be covered by her own artwork or gone all together. Medals, ribbons and trophies are packed away with instructions for me to decide what to do with them, "cause that's your thing, not mine."
I'm try not to think.
At Target, while shopping for school supplies, I tried not to think that this is my last trip with her for these things. I did my best to brush off her comment, "and next year we'll be down there," as she pointed to the Dorm Room displays.
I'm trying to keep it together.
This year my girl will be a Senior in high school. Looking at the start of school, I'm not sure what is more difficult, recalling the day I dropped her off at Kindergarten or looking at, this, her final year. She's talking about when she leaves (her vocabulary is heavily dotted with "just one year"), scheduling campus visits and planning for "after."
From the moment you first hold your children, you're well aware this time is coming, but you get caught up in the raising and foundation building. In the balancing, juggling, teaching and cleaning. Before you blink, you're faced with the first of your babies balancing on the edge of the nest, poised for flight. It's then you worry about the foundation you've laid all these years. Is it strong enough? Will it last? Is it enough?
I'm trying to ignore the tears that gather and the cracking sounds that seem to be coming from an area around my heart, because her room changing is just the tip of the iceberg.